国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

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国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

西江月-song 2019-02-25 20:57:54

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲足坛精彩看点层出不穷,曼城点胜切尔西夺得联赛杯,凯帕拒绝下场引发争议。欧冠赛场,利物浦与拜仁、巴萨与里昂均互交白卷,马竞主场战胜尤文,曼城则逆转战胜沙尔克04。欧联杯中,切尔西和阿森纳得以晋级下一轮。周末联赛,双红会以平局收场,而阿森纳、皇马、巴萨、米兰等球队则纷纷取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

凯帕引争议,曼城点球4-3切尔西

Gungerz(曼联球迷):萨里为啥不让伊瓜因去踢个点球?(Why Sarri didn't let Higuain take one?)

Kashin(荷兰球迷):萨里让他去了,但是凯帕不同意啊!(Sarri told him to but Kepa wouldn't allow it.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Hunchovis(未知主队球迷):这场闹剧在IMDB 上都有9.8的评分了,《权利的游戏》那就是个弟弟!(Pure entertainment. 9.8 on IMDB. Fuck Game of Thrones.)

Alessio321(未知主队球迷):《权力的游戏》肯定没人看啦,除非最后登上铁王座的是凯帕!(No one would watch GOT again unless Kepa claims the iron throne.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Envague(曼联球迷):真遗憾,凯帕痛失执教切尔西夺得首冠的机会啊!(Pity, Kepa Arrizabalaga loses his first trophy as Chelsea manager.)

Borgatronification(阿森纳球迷):英国已经终止脱欧计划了,因为凯帕不同意!(UK to cancel Brexit as Arrizabalaga refuses to leave.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Dirgetka(利兹联球迷):“效力西伯利亚队是我儿时以来的梦想。”——2019年6月,凯帕如是说。("It's always been a lifelong dream of mine to play for Siberia" - Kepa in June 2019.)

LegendaryMemeBo(皇马球迷):这要是我在玩FM,凯帕就得被下放到U19青年队,在他剩余的合同期限内,都得被安排密集训练成前锋!(If this was FM, I'd put him with the U-19s and put him on an intense training regime to be a striker for the rest of his contract.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

OrangeSyringe(曼城球迷):看到卡巴列罗要出场真是吓尿我了,毕竟他对我们球员是那么了解,幸好我们的卧底凯帕神勇地站了出来。(I was so scared when Caballero got ready. He probably knows the players very well. Thank God our agent Kepa stood out.)

Unicallthrowaway(未知主队球迷):凯帕现在可以说是曼城名宿了…(Kepa is a City Legend now.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Hieillua(未知主队球迷):想象一下凯帕对西蒙尼或加图索做出这种事…(Imagine if Kepa did this to Simeone or Gatusso.)

carpie101(切尔西球迷):那估计以后就只能去监狱探望我们的教练了…(Then we could only see our coach in the jail.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

LosTerminators(西班牙球迷):凯帕不就是来填补库尔图瓦的空缺吗,所以他也就像裤袜一样狗了…(He arrived as a replacement for Courtois, so he decided to be a snake like him.)

Geronimo8(切尔西球迷):和凯帕相比,我觉得库尔图瓦这人也挺好的…(Courtois becomes  a good man compared with Kepa.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Zakar1ya(切尔西球迷):其实点球大战输球我还挺高兴的,这样凯帕就不能拿这个给自己辩解了…(I'm almost glad that we lost that just so that Kepa doesn't feel vindicated for acting in such a way.)

Byhoskyy(AC米兰球迷):凯帕还需要啥辩解啊,他不都已经当上教练了吗?(He doesn’t need vindication, he is now the manager.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Harkoncito(皇马球迷):上半赛季的梗都是曼联带来的,下半赛季又换成切尔西了,好期待赛季结束时又会变成谁的梗呢?(First half of the season, United brought the drama. In the second half it's Chelsea's turn. I wonder what the writers will give us for the finale.)

Tugays_Tabs(布莱克本球迷):当然是利物浦掉链子啦!(Liverpool fucking it up.)

iNS0MNiA_uK(利物浦球迷):额,这不是每年都会发生的事吗?(…but that happens every season.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Wilsec(曼联球迷):我敢保证要是场上切尔西只有坎特一人,最后的比分还会是0-0!(Pretty sure if Kante was the only Chelsea player on the pitch it would still be 0-0.)

MagicalMesut(阿森纳球迷):上次不就只有坎特一人么,结果输了0-6…(Right like last time when it was 6-0 in the end?)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

多人伤退,曼联0-0利物浦

Username3009(未知主队球迷):还真是第一次见队医的活动热图范围比球员都要大的…(This is going to be the first instance where the physios have a larger heat map than the players in the match.)

Aidsfart_(阿森纳球迷):作为这场比赛的观众,我都开始担心自己会不会受伤了…(Terrified that I will get injured watching the game.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

(图):曼联队医本场比赛热点图

justh0nest(斯里兰卡球迷):照这样下去,曼联和利物浦只能合伙凑11人来踢剩下的比赛了…(At this rate, United and Liverpool will have to play a combined XI for the next couple of fixtures.)

Modini(曼联球迷):这场比赛的剧本是乔治-马丁写的吧!(This match was written by George RR Martin.)

(注:乔治-马丁是《权力的游戏》作者)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

DatGuy100(英格兰球迷):去年12月才复出的科斯切尔尼,对阵联赛前6的进球都已经比萨拉赫多了…(Koscielny has more goals against top 6 sides than Salah and he was out until December.)

ZakkTheChimp(伯恩利球迷):牛逼啊,要知道科斯切尔尼根本没机会面对阿森纳的死亡后防线啊!(Impressive because he didn’t even get to play against that horrible Arsenal defence.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

IanCaesars(利物浦球迷):万万没想到,这场比赛最具威胁的进攻对决竟然是马蒂普VS斯莫林…(Hard to believe the best attacking option is Matip vs Smalling.)

Wicksy92(雷丁球迷):上半场就有5人受伤了,奇怪的是斯图里奇竟然不在其中…(5 players injured in the first half and Sturridge isn't one of them. Unreal.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Ilovetennis247(未知主队球迷):如果你曾效力于利物浦、曼城或者利兹联其中任何一支球队,你都会成为坚定的反曼联主义者;如果这3支球队你都效力过,那你就是...米尔纳...(If you played for one of Liverpool, Man City, or Leeds, you'd have a rivalry with Man United. If you played for all three, you'd be James Milner.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

姆希塔良进球,阿森纳2-0南安普顿

Idontlikethisstuff(阿森纳球迷):活久见啊,我们竟然能在上半场进球了,而且还一进进俩?(We're allowed to score in the first half? Twice??? This is new.)

Ixoyefish(阿森纳球迷):现在还是不敢相信,我们竟然成了桑切斯交易中受益的一方…(still cant believe we got the better part of that sanchez deal.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Mojambowhatisthescen(阿森纳球迷):我们是在和自己的后防线踢比赛么…(Are we playing against our own defence? :)

3200-microwave(未知主队球迷):和南安普顿的后防线相比,穆斯塔菲都变成内少的级别了…(Southampton's defence makes Mustafi look like Nesta level.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

梅西带帽,巴萨4-2逆转塞维利亚

the_studge(利物浦球迷):握日哦,这不就是你玩FIFA的时候电脑硬进的那种不讲理的球吗?(Holy fuck, this looks like those unfair goals the FIFA AI just scores against you.)

NBLSS(阿森纳球迷):呵呵,650球,50个帽子戏法,你用FIFA都玩不出来…(Well, 650th goal. 50th hat trick. This is not even possible on fifa.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Nibbaheem(未知主队球迷):跟巴萨踢球不要穿白色球衣,这咋就记不住呢?(Just don't wear white when playing against Barca. Is it so hard to remember?)

Mojambowhatisthescen(阿森纳球迷):塞维利亚球迷都不知道是为梅西碾碎自己的主队而难过,还是为能见证史上最佳踢球而高兴了…(Sevilla fans don't know whether to cry because Messi keeps murdering them, or be happy they're watching the GOAT do what only he can!)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

poop-901(未知主队球迷):梅西简直比拆弹专家还要冷酷啊!(Messi is cooler than a bomb disposal expert.)

Ph4sor(未知主队球迷):梅西一定进入吸血鬼名人堂了,因为他总能一血封喉…(He belong in a vampire hall because he always draws blood.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Griezzy(未知主队球迷):这几个月皮克在进攻时的盘带和跑位,看起来比苏亚雷斯要靠谱多了…(Pique’s dribbling/run in attack looked better than anything Suarez has done in months.)

myvirginityisstrong(未知主队球迷):梅西真的太牛逼了,给苏亚雷斯都能送助攻进球…(Messi is so good he can even make Suarez score.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Adamanthium(巴萨球迷):看到苏亚雷斯的一脚触球,卢卡库都笑了。(Lukaku watching Suarez with pride with those first touches.)

nexus1011(未知主队球迷):巴萨的进攻太缺乏想象力了,不就是传给梅西然后就看他进球吗!(Barca's attack  is no imagination at all. Only solution is to pass it to Messi and watch him to score.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

OneWordMan86ya(未知主队球迷):如果梅西是塞维利亚球员,他们早就赢6-0了…(If Messi was in Sevilla, they would have won 6-0.)

patw420(西雅图球迷):西甲联赛十来年的总结就是,一支球队有梅西,而其他球队没有。(Story of La Liga in the last decade is one team had Messi, the others didn’t.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

(图):梅西本场比赛热点图。注:goat/山羊,为greatest of all time/史上最佳的缩写

LarryPeru(巴萨球迷):对我们而言最佳球员就是梅西,排第二的是受伤的梅西。(The best player for us is Lionel Messi. The second best player is Lionel Messi injured.)

LavenderClouds(西班牙球迷):看塞维利亚的比赛,就像是在看一场慢镜头的车祸一样…(Watching Sevilla play is like watching a car crash in slow motion.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

裁判引争议,皇马2-1莱万特

FFredde(瑞典球迷):裁判吹成这个样子,也是要禁赛的吧!(Refs should get suspended for shitty decisions like this.)

met5abel(皇马球迷):当时人们还笑话我们没有引进C罗的替代者,其实他们不知道,我们已经免签了VAR!(People were laughing at us when we didn't replace Ronaldo. Little did they know we got VAR on a free transfer.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

双中卫进球,马竞2-0尤文图斯

Azaghtooth(皇马球迷):尤文这下怕是要凉了啊,马竞下回合不得排个10-0-0阵型出来…(Cant see juve coming back from this , atleti will probably play 10-0-0 in the 2nd leg.)

Sidorovich123(马竞球迷):看来我们要连续淘汰尤文、巴萨、拜仁,然后又在决赛里输给皇马了!(We gonna knock out Juve, Barca, Bayern and loose Finals against real madrid)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

PersonFromPlace(阿森纳球迷):西蒙尼平时总是穿这件黑色外套吗,看起来好像是披上黑衣的守夜人…(Does Diego Simeone always wear a jacket that makes it look like he’s taken up the black at the Night’s Watch?)

Kriskobg(皇马球迷):看见C罗在尤文踢球,还是会让我感到像看见深爱的前女友在和别的男人逛街…(Seeing Ronaldo on Juventus still feels like seeing an ex you love with another man on the street.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

VolumeIs(未知主队球迷):就看下场博努奇帽子戏法大逆转了!(Wait for bonucci’s hattrick.)

sass0(AC米兰球迷):同时效力过国米、尤文和米兰,又同时被这三家球迷都不待见的,恐怕只有博努奇一人了吧…(bonucci is probably the only player that has played for inter, juve, and milan and universally hated by all 3 fanbases.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

屡失良机,巴萨0-0里昂

Askale1(阿森纳球迷):挺公平的,里昂没上费基尔,巴萨也没上前锋啊!(Fair game. Lyon missed Fekir and Barcelona missed a striker.)

Hare712(位置是主队球迷):是莫拉塔在戴着苏亚雷斯的面具踢球吧…(It was Morata with a Suarez mask!)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Indorsus (巴萨球迷):苏亚雷斯的射门,就像是喝醉酒后和想老婆大和谐,却找不到*哔*一样…(Suarez’s shot is like when you are drunk and can't find your wife’s p*ssy.)

Themanyfaceasian(未知主队球迷):好想念哈维,如果你不知道该怎么和老婆办事,你就把老婆传给他就行了…(I miss Xavi. If I had a wife and didn’t know what to do with her, I’d pass her to Xavi as well.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

affenhirn1(巴萨球迷):哪怕你用我5岁的弟弟来顶替苏亚雷斯的位置,你也不会发现有啥区别!(You could replace Suarez with my 5 yo brother and you wouldn't notice the difference.)

iskaon(巴萨球迷):那可未必啊,有那么多机会,你弟弟没准还真能踢进去一个…(no, ur brother would prob score one of those chances.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

idiot_masiello(未知主队球迷):最令我震惊的是,布斯克茨竟然都有2脚射正…(Most shocking thing about this game was that Busquets had two shots on target.)

Barcaholic(巴萨球迷):当球队最好的射门机会是布斯克茨完成的时候,你就知道咱踢得是多么膈应了…(You know things are bad when Busi produces your best scoring chance.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

互交白卷,利物浦0-0拜仁慕尼黑

XeroVeil(德国球迷):尼玛,禁区旁边这堆传球都把我吓老15岁了…(Fuck me this passing around in our box is going to age me 15 years tonight.)

Tcariappa(利物浦球迷):这比赛对我的伤害太大了,无论是心脏还是菊花…(I seriously don't think this is good for my heart and asshole.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

distantapplause(未知主队球迷):看这表现,第二回合两队应该都被淘汰才对…(On this evidence both teams will be eliminated in the second leg.)

NoHome8(阿森纳球迷):好不容易才劝我从不看球的美国朋友来看这场比赛,还说这场比赛是多么有激情,现在他们看我就像傻子一样…(told my american friends who don’t watch football to watch this because it would be very exciting. Now they must think I am an idiot.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Jack_ADTR(热刺球迷):阿迪达斯每年都把最好的设计给拜仁了吗,为什么他们的球衣总是这么好看…(I believe adidas always saves their most original design for Bayern. Their kits are awesome every year.)

kirkland3000(帕尔梅拉斯球迷):要是拉菲尼亚在等待上场的时候再抓几次蛋蛋,恐怕就得被控耍流氓而罚款了…(I feel like if Rafinha touched his nuts any more while waiting to come on, he'd be charged with public indecency.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

斯特林绝杀,曼城3-2沙尔克04

CruschSenpai(沙尔克04球迷):对不起曼城球迷们,但你们要相信,我们是根本没有钱去收买裁判的…(I'm sorry City fans but it's impossible that we bought the ref. We don't have any fucking money.)

SomersetMackem(未知主队球迷):想象一下热刺成了唯一一支进欧冠8强的英超球队…(Banter when Spurs are the only english team in the quarters.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

DNorth_(多特蒙德球迷):这真是几周以来多特球迷最开心的一天了…(The best thing to happen to a Dortmund fan the last couple of weeks.)

kokin33(希洪竞技球迷):奥塔门迪没法踢第二回合,这对曼城而言是好消息吧…(the good thing for City is Otamendi won't play the 2nd leg.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

ommstarofficial(未知主队球迷):等到埃德森退役的时候,说不定都能攒足够多的助攻来出一个集锦了…(By the end of his career, Ederson probably could have enough assists to justify an assist compilation.)

mitorandiro(科林蒂安球迷):我还在等埃德森作为中场的首次亮相呢,简直就是巴西皮尔洛!(Still eagerly waiting for Ederson's midfield debut. Brazilian Pirlo.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

TheRedditSeyed(未知主队球迷):萨内的任意球弧线,简直比卡戴珊的屁屁还要漂亮啊!(Sane’s free kick is curvier than a Kardashian’s butt.)

Rooonaldooo99(未知主队球迷):勇敢做自己!但如果你是沙尔克,那还是随便换个别的人生吧…(Always be yourselves, unless you are Schalke, then be literally anyone else.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

逆转晋级,阿森纳3-0鲍里索夫

Dawnsday(阿森纳球迷):大卫击败了歌利亚,而我们终于战胜了强敌鲍里索夫!(David beat Goliath and finally we're up over the mighty BATE borisov.)

Shinwha(利物浦球迷):想要在欧联杯击败埃梅里,的确是一种奢求。(You cant beat Emery in Europa League.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Aidsfart_(阿森纳球迷):好奇怪,赛后的评论区怎么这么冷清啊?(Genuinely surprised that this thread isn’t bustling with life.)

BludFlairUpFam(未知主队球迷):那是因为阿森纳没输球…(If Arsenal lost it will be.)

JurijFedorov(西班牙球迷):穆斯塔菲真是杀手本色啊,这轮欧战的进球比梅西C罗加起来都多!(Mustafi scoring more than Messi and Ronaldo combined this round. He has a killer instinct.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

顺利晋级,切尔西3-0马尔默

NotClayMerritt(切尔西球迷):5年了,这还是我们第一次在欧战淘汰赛晋级…(We've advanced in a European competition for the first time in almost 5 years.)

MistaChelseaa(切尔西球迷):在欧联杯我们应该不会再碰见曼城了吧…(We will not face city in this league right?)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

博格巴进球,曼联2-0切尔西

Xarxesmysterio(未知主队球迷):这世界上没有什么事情可以避免,除了死亡、税收和萨里用巴克利换下科瓦契奇。(3 certainties in life: death, taxes and Sarri subbing Kovacic for Barkley.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

HEELinKayfabe(凯尔特人球迷):上次看到像今天的切尔西这么差的球队,还是上周看切尔西踢球的时候。(Chelsea are the worst team I've seen since the last time I saw Chelsea.)

Gpeirqaured(西班牙球迷):说实话切尔西也在进步好吧,从半场0-4曼城,到全场仅仅0-2曼联!(Tbf to Chelsea, they have really improved a lot. From being 4-0 down to City in 1st half to being only 2-0 down to United.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

Chokyx(利物浦球迷):据说若日尼奥就是某秘密黑客组织的领头人呢,毕竟他自带隐身属性…(Rumours are that Jorgeinho is the leader of the hacker group Anonymous, the guy is so invisible…)

Va3V1ctis(未知主队球迷):若日尼奥简直鬼才啊,既是唯一一个不会防守的意大利人,也是唯一一个不会盘带的巴西人…(Is Jorginho the only Italian that can’t defend and the only Brazilian that can’t dribble? Truly a special talent!)

(注:若日尼奥出生在巴西,后来又获得意大利国籍)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

danyul91(曼联球迷):终于看到一支比我们防守还烂的球队,还是挺高兴的…(It's so nice to finally watch a team with more defensive weaknesses than ours.)

Rudygha(阿森纳球迷):那我猜你肯定没看过阿森纳的比赛…(guessing you don't watch Arsenal then.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

princepersona1(切尔西球迷):这些天作为切尔西球迷真是烦透了,一有比赛就要被人笑话…(Damn it's a hard job being a Chelsea supporter these days. Being made fun of after every match day.)

opulent_chaos(阿森纳球迷):现在你明白我们这么多年来的感受了吧…(Imagine what it feels like to be an arsenal fan for years.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

皮扬特克进球,AC米兰3-0恩波利

CruyffsPlan(巴萨球迷):要是皮扬特克没进球,那才能算得上大新闻。(It would be a sensation if Piatek doesn’t score in a game.)

fingers-crossed(贝蒂斯球迷):我从泰国的监狱蹲了5年,刚被放出来,我想问皮扬特克就是现在世界最佳球员吗?(I've been in a Thai prison for the last 5 years, is Piatek the best player in the world?)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

G3nzo(AC米兰球迷):我就不明白,我咋就忽然改变了性取向呢?(Why am I all of a sudden questioning my sexuality?)

ALLGROWWITHLOVE(AC米兰球迷):要是皮扬特克能让你连续硬3个小时以上,记得去看医生哦!(Call your doctor if Piatek makes your erection last more than 3 hours Milan fans.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

补时11分钟争议绝平,国米3-3佛罗伦萨

Maxinh0(国米球迷):很明显啊,丹布罗西奥的奶头不就是他第三只手吗,判点球很合理!(apparently D'Ambrosios nipple is his third arm, absolutely a penalty.)

0fiuco(AC米兰球迷):VAR给个点球还能拖这么长时间啊,那前两天小罗马踢罗马比赛的那个点球应该在有效时间内吧,我还在等着呢!(i'm still waiting for VAR to call the penalty on Romagnoli against Roma, considering the time it takes for VAr to get a decision i'm still positive.)

国外也有段子手:凯帕的铁王座!

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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